Letting go and Farewells
Letting go and Farewells
Saying goodbye is something I’ve had to do a lot of in my life – to friends, to family, to pets, to places and houses.
For someone who’s lived in different places that’s not unusual, I’ve heard the same from others like me. When I was young I would react with tears but over the years I developed a powerful shield. I would cut off from those emotions and distance myself, keeping myself cold. Goodbyes were so commonplace that there didn’t seem to be any point in suffering.
Through ‘Conquering Life’ I learned how to stop doing that because not feeling my feelings wasn’t protecting me – it was cutting me off from myself. I don’t banish those feelings anymore and it is a tribute to both ‘Conquering Life’ and to my love for a certain someone that I had one of the hardest goodbyes to say to this week.
That might not sound like an achievement but it really is because it’s a good balance though of hurt and letting go. It might not be for long but it makes me ache in ways I couldn’t imagine but the pangs remind me that I love this person, that it’s true and real. My tools from ‘Conquering Life’ whisper to me, telling me to check in with those emotions because it’s important to feel them and to remember that worrying won’t help anything.
There comes a point when all the pro-activeness in the world won’t change anything. When you’ve already put everything you could in – studied hard for the exam, organized an event or prepared for a situation. You’re as ready as you’ll ever be and that’s when you have to let go because it’s life’s turn. When this point comes all you can truly do is go with the flow. It will happen as it’s going to happen, worried or not, and you’ll only be able to control your actions and reactions.
Sometimes you just have to let go. Trusting in yourself that you’ll do what you need to do in that moment. It can be painful because letting go might seem like the hardest thing to do, especially if it’s something you’re passionate about but even the best laid plans can go awry so you might as well relax a little. I had to say goodbye and it hurt, I had to let go of the automatic reaction to just push away those emotions, I had to let go and I found that I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel because by feeling the sadness of departure I was feeling him. I know that I’ll be OK and more than that I know it’s OK to feel like this because it’s my decision – my action and my reaction.
Conquering Life isn’t about just barrelling through life without a moment’s doubt or sadness, it’s about taking those emotions, processing them and then moving through. So today I’m taking in those emotions but not letting them take over. Tomorrow is a new day and hey in two weeks, I’ll have him back.