Finding your light
Finding your light
Hello readers! Today i’m going to talk about finding your inner light. Recently I read a letter that I wrote when I was 18. It was addressed to my father and it was in response to a nasty message I had received. I was reading it aloud to my friend and room mate because it was relevant to our conversation. As I read I could picture myself, from an equally distant and invested place. The piece was full of the hurt and anger I had felt and I remember experiencing a range of emotions as I wrote it. It was some of the most cathartic writing I have ever done.
As I’ve encouraged before, healthy expression is a brilliant way to lighten burdens and heal. I was struck by the vulnerability of the position I was in, in that moment. A person barely at threshold of adulthood with her sense of self precariously positioned. I considered the years that were to follow, the beliefs I grew or nurtured to ‘protect’ myself and to keep moving.
When I first did my self esteem test I scored a 52.5%. I remember telling my mum and her saying that she wasn’t surprised, I was good at pretending. I realized that she and the test were right. I had adapted enough to give the impression of wholeness in order to pass but not to experience. I didn’t know I needed the program until I was in it.
Conquering Life gave me the tools and the judgement free space to work on myself. To care for myself, not to benefit others but for my own benefit. I had gotten so used to self doubt and worry that I thought it was just part of who I was. I’m just a worry wart, I’d think, while I tossed and turned at night.
Therein lies the danger in limiting beliefs and low self esteem. You believe these things are fact, actually it’s even more than that, you believe them to be a kind of natural law. For some reason we forget that we humans are anything but immutable, we are in constant movement and, growth and change are the only true natural laws.
When I was 18 I was a shell, desperately reaching out for my missing puzzle pieces. It turns out I’m a resolute survivor, which is great but life isn’t something to survive it’s something that demands to be lived! So I found ways, or rather cheats, to get by, pretending I was whole. Moving to New York was a huge step towards growth but Conquering Life put the power of my life back into my hands. What I love about conquering life is that it’s always been about what I can do for myself. I feel utterly responsible for all the positive changes I’ve made in my life while being grateful for its helping hand.
I stand today fully present in myself and loving everything that, that means! I am whole. I’ve made myself whole. Now I see other people recognizing that in me and reacting to that. All of my interactions have been made brighter, my relationships healthier and my self esteem so solid that negativity clears like rain in sunshine. Even in the darkest places we have an inner light, Conquering Life can guide you to it and allow YOU to shine.